This morning I woke up and my two other in-body friends also woke up, albeit grumbling for another five minutes of snooze. But I had to wake up because…I am hungry. And now here I am taking my sweet time getting dressed because I know…that the refrigerator is empty which spells trouble for me right now.
Georgie is saying “well, so what’s for breakfast?” And again I take my sweet time replying because I don’t want her to remember that the refrigerator is only full of mold and spilled grape juice that I was too lazy and groggy to clean up last night. Happy then pipes up “I’m sure it’s pancakes” and I want to strangle her because there is nothing worse than a perennial optimist in denial of reality. Then my tummy rumbles as I put on my shirt and pants. Georgie and Happy rub our tummy as I try to make up my mind what to do.
“There’s no food, is there?” whispers Georgie as I face the mirror to comb my hair. Again I refuse to answer. Reality sucks but it sucks more when you have an audience staring at you from the mirror, accusing me of being a negligent in-body buddy. I can feel Happy sighing in the background.
“What are we going to do? I’m really hungry now” says Georgie raising her voice.
“You know what we have to do” I reply, trying not to raise my voice in return. I then ask myself if this is what normal people feel like after they’ve been rendered jobless for two weeks and are tired from going from office to office and interview after interview. I also ask myself if other people have to contend with eating for three even if you’re not pregnant. I finish combing my hair and stare at my hungry although still healthy looking reflection. Man, I look good! But let’s see what I look like after another week like this.
“I’m okay with stealing food you know” says Happy in her cheerful pre-adolescent voice. “I mean, it’s better than having hunger pangs. And I’m not okay with begging so you can throw that idea out with the trash”. I wince at the word “stealing”. Yep, I’m definitely not okay with this. But I have no choice because…I’m broke. And I’m not going to my friends and relatives to ask for food and money…because I’m pretty sure I’ll not only get humiliated but they will readily show me the front door and lock it after I leave.
“What about you, Georgie?” I ask my reflection. “I vote we beg.”
“Annie, we don’t really have a choice do we?” Georgie snaps back. “But if I had my way, we’d go through the garbage to see what we can scrounge around for.”
“Great” I reply. “Happy wants to steal, I want to beg, and you want to go through other people’s garbage to find leftovers. Not much of a consensus is it?”
I sit on the bed again and sigh. Ever since I was fired from work, my life has not been easy. I suppose I should be glad the landlord hasn’t come by asking for the rent yet. Being independent is not all it is hyped up to be – meaning I want to strangle Mary Tyler Moore with her crocheted cap right now. Or maybe the person I really want to strangle is myself, for not being marketable enough to employers.
“If you hadn’t talked back to your boss, we wouldn’t be in this mess” hisses Georgie. “You had a great thing going for you and you had to mess it up.” I stare at the floor. “Why is it so hard for you to do something as simple as accepting reality?”
“If you mean dodging taxes forever, yes I do have a problem with that” I reply. “It’s wrong not to pay taxes”.
“Your doctor dodges his taxes. Why shouldn’t you?” asks Happy. My blood pressure is rising but then I remind myself that Happy is only an adolescent and not the same age as Georgie and me. Georgie however is getting angrier.
“All this is doing is making me feel hungrier! Let’s go do as Happy says and steal something from the grocery” snaps Georgie.
“A minute ago you wanted to go through the dumpster. Why the change?” I ask.
“We might get food poisoning if we eat food from the trash, that’s what happened” she replies. “Besides, you don’t have health insurance anymore. If we get sick, how would we pay for the emergency treatment?” Good point, I think and Georgie laughs sarcastically. “Some partner you are” she drawls.
Well, I’m tired of the argument and finally give up. “Alright, Happy wins. It’s two against me. So which supermarket are we going to target this time?”
Happy gives a loud hoot of triumph and we dance around the room, until we realize that we’re using up valuable blood sugar and could come down with hypoglycemia at any point. Happy thinks for a moment then suggests “Hmm. Why not Tony’s Grocery Store on the next block?”
We head to Tony’s, not running, just jiving down the street as if we were healthy with full stomachs, as if we were normal people in three different bodies instead of just one person arguing constantly with two alter egos inside her head. The advantage with going to Tony’s is that I don’t usually shop there, not even when I had a steady paycheck on 15/30. The disadvantage with going to Tony’s is that I might run into someone I know. But a growling stomach cannot be ignored, especially with two other people to complain about it when it goes unfilled.
“Good morning!” says the young man behind the counter as we come in. Great, I think, busted as soon as we cross the threshold. I smile back at him with my best I’m-not-thinking-of-robbing-you smile. Happy giggles. Georgie sighs in disgust. “Can I help you?”
“Oh I’m good.” I say cheerfully. “I just want to shop around if that’s okay?” I thank whoever is in charge of my life up there that my teeth are perfect and still white, and my smile hasn’t drooped yet despite malnutrition. He smiles back unsuspectingly.
“Sure!” he says. “Go and see what you like. We’ve got plenty to choose from.” So we do. I’m torn between heading to the processed food section as Happy suggested (because she really wants pancakes) and the health drinks section (because Georgie is a health nut aside from being such a prude). I grumble beneath my breath and force myself to go to the bread section. Happy and Georgie break out in a cacophony of yelling, almost making me knock over some canned tomatoes stacked in the aisle.
“Will you two shut up? I’m trying to steal here” I whisper. Happy starts to cry, as all adolescents do when they run out of arguments or simply want to get their way. Georgie laughs. “We’ll get to what you want later. Just shut up so I can think.”
I glance at the young man behind the counter again and he seems to be reading the morning paper, occasionally looking my way. “Damn, my cover is blown.” We’ll never be able to get a box of pancakes, a can of Gatorade, and a loaf of bread this way. I ponder what to do. Then I have a great idea.
“Okay, you two shut up now. I’m going to fake it” I say inside my head. I then fall to the floor, violently knocking over god knows what all over the place. Happy screams in surprise and even Georgie is stunned into silence. I moan and keep my eyes closed. I can then hear the young man’s steps hurriedly coming nearer and I have to fight back a smile.
“Hey! Are you alright?” he says anxiously. I open my eyes and pretend to be disoriented. He takes off his hoodie jacket, rolls it into a ball and places it under my head. “Are you sick?” he asks again.
“Ooohhhh” I moan. “I feel so bad.”
“What’s wrong? Did you faint?” he asks.
“I guess I must be hungrier than I thought” I say wearily. Actually, I’m not faking all of this because I can feel the onset of hypoglycemia already. But I make it seem worse than it is because I really have to make this work to get what we want.
“You haven’t had anything to eat this morning?” the young man asks.
“I wasn’t really thinking of eating anything. But I guess my body really needs its sugar right now”. I moan again, milking the drama for what it’s worth. The young man places a hand on my forehead.
“You don’t seem feverish. Maybe you’re just really hungry” he says.
“I guess so” I say. Then I try to get to my feet but he makes me lie down again.
“Lie still. I’m going to get something.” He goes to the counter and gets some doughnuts from the display case. He comes back and helps me to a sitting position. “What you need is a big surge of sugar. Here, have a doughnut.”
I badly want to smile but I know if I get out of character that he’ll be on to my act. I chew on the doughnut slowly even though what I really want to do is snatch all three doughnuts from his hands and wolf them down, even without coffee to kill the sweetness. He watches me eat all three doughnuts slowly, the look of concern never leaving his face.
“Do you feel okay now?” he asks.
“Um yeah. How much do I owe you for the doughnuts?” I pretend to reach for a non-existent wallet in my hoodie.
He waves away my offer to pay. “You don’t owe me anything. Glad to help. I just hope you’re okay enough to get home?”
I pretend to smile weakly. “I’m okay now. Thanks so much for your help.”
He stays behind the counter but I know that he is watching me even from there, as I walk out the doors of Tony’s. I keep up the slow walk until we are well out of sight then I burst out laughing. Happy whimpers.
“I wanted pancakes” she says simpering.
Georgie laughs sarcastically. “Great, so we got three doughnuts in our belly. Too bad we can’t repeat the same trick twice, in the same place”.
We walk home now, our walk powered by the sugar of three doughnuts. It’s enough for one morning but somehow all three of us know that there is still lunch and dinner to scrounge around for in a few hours. I pace ourselves so that we don’t use up the sugar rush right away.
“I still say we should have gone through the trash this morning” snarls Georgie, as expected.
“Well, if you like we can go through Tony’s dumpster later.” That shuts her up.
I wonder how long this kind of existence will last. Especially since I’m eating for three.
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